I am writing this based on a recent incident that happened to me. An old acquaintance suddenly acted weird and calling me all sorts of names and doing immature things like writing meaningless crap on my LinkedIn and then blocking me from there. What he wrote is so awful that I won’t share it here. Lets just say he was an insecure person.
Now this brings into picture a broader picture. Are you or someone you know really fine? Does he need any kind of support? By support I mean a counselor, a psychologist or even a psychiatrist.
How many of us actually think that “Psychiatrist ke paas gaya, paagal hoga/hogi”. Meaning s/he has been to a psychiatrist, so must be mad. Or if s/he is taking such medication, s/he has lost it. Is this our point of view?
I have generally felt that in India, even today going to a psychiatrist or psychologist/counselor is a big deal as there is very little awareness as far as this subject is concerned. We don’t have systems in place to discuss this most important subject, and I guess proper counseling must be available in all schools, colleges and at workplaces. This is something that is lacking due to which awareness about such emotional fluctuations is lacking. A lot of times I have realized from personal experience that you do not need an immediate solution but all you need is a vent for your emotions. You have to let go of all that emotional burden and talk to somebody openly and as we all know we cannot discuss 100% of everything, not even with our parents, spouses or best friends.
When you are unable to sustain such burden it can lead to lot of complications. Different people react differently to different stimuli. All these words are used as a jargon in our day today lives. Some of the major types are depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolar mood disorder, personality disorders, trauma and eating disorders.
The most common mental illnesses are anxiety and depressive disorders. But how many actually really understand why a person behaves in a certain way which isn’t normal behavior. S/he may be an intelligent person, but this has nothing to do with the IQ. It’s the EQ that comes into question in such scenarios.
Acknowledging that there is a problem is one of the biggest hindrances for anyone for that matter. Everyone usually thinks of themselves as righteous and perfect. It is only after they do a personality analysis or similar such tests they get to know some parts of their true selves. These tests are highly accurate if taken honestly and if you have gone to a really good psychologist. They help people in distress and try to understand what your problem is and categorize you based on your traits.
The best part is there is a solution for everything in this world. If you acknowledge, there is a problem and act on it.
I lost my father really suddenly and at a young age. I was unable to take that stress and I became quieter around that time. Grief or loss of loved one changed my life personally in a big way. Although my mom loves me equally, I always felt I wanted my father and couldn’t understand how he could just go one fine day. My grandfather passed away 86 and next month my father, just about 49. A lot of questions remained unanswered for me as I would ask God why did you do this to me and my family! So for me the trigger of anger was been built in my system for many years and I had not spoken of it with anyone.
Around 2007, I liked someone who was not even in India and I had just chatted with that person, and at that age I felt it was a big deal and I couldn’t handle the fact that he said No to me. I had never even met him in person, so it was completely fine when I think about it now. But at that time, I felt that was the worst thing that happened and I displayed very ‘filmy’ behavior. That’s the first time my mom realized that I needed a vent and some help to get over it and get back to normalcy. So I did seek help of a fantastic psychologist who helped me change my attitude towards life. Even if someone says mean or rude things, I don’t really react and raise my blood pressure. I honestly see what my long term and short term goals are, and focus on them.
Very simple things that anyone and everyone should apply in their lives – are not to Label anyone as GOOD or BAD. Dr. Shubha Thatte told me Labeling is disabling. No matter how much hatred you have for that person, do not label him/her as that’s one aspect of the person and that there are so many good things s/he does which you would never notice once you LABEL someone. Attending that fantastic session with Dr Shubha made me understand that there are so many people like me who get angry and say things just because of that anger and don’t really mean it. She told me ways and means to channelize the anger.
So if you are in Mumbai and in distress please contact IPH in Thane. They have the helpline numbers on their website. There are similar other places as well but this one is started by pioneers in the field Dr Anand Nadkarni and Dr Shubha Thatte and they do a great job, believe me! I personally know Thatte madam for some years now and she is the most amazing lady I have ever met. I would highly recommend that you meet her if you are under stress, trauma, depression or have lost a loved one and cannot get over it or have anger issues or maybe something else.
http://www.healthymind.org – Site of IPH Thane.
9th Floor, Shree Ganesh Darshan, LBS Marg, Naupada, Thane (west) – 400602, Maharashtra, INDIA
Tel: +91 22 2543 3270 / 2536 6577 / 2542 8183
In the US, I have seen the attitude of people is really different. We had such counselors at USC and I had once just gone and spoken to one when I was very stressed about completing my assignments and it magically worked as I felt lighter and could focus on my work better, after that. I had also on one occasion taken one of my roommates with me when she had a breakup with her boyfriend and was not able to handle it and had suddenly became quieter. It did help her and she got back to normalcy and started focusing on her work more.
How does Anger, depression or the likes come into being? It isn’t a one line answer as each person has a unique story and the reason could be different like loss of a loved one, grief, accident, trauma, body-image related depression, breakup, horrible boss at office. So each scenario is handled differently by the concerned expert.
My husband does voluntary work (digital marketing) for this Eating disorders resource center based out in Los Gatos, California, http://edrcsv.org There are so many organizations in the US who are there to help people in distress, also support groups where people with similar problems meet, discuss and find solutions. The picture is changing in India too as more and more people are becoming aware of it.
Again to summarize, If you go seek help, you are not mad. You are just a very strong person who wants to improve and at the same time not trouble others with your behavior. You get a chance in life to improve. Plus you can openly say whats on your mind. Things you do not share with absolutely anyone for privacy concerns. So yes, you have a problem, go seek help and find a solution. Life is really beautiful. Its your attitude that matters!