It’s not until a desi hits the American shore that s/he has to change the way they poop.
From having clean and wet butts after pooping, the desi now suddenly has to get used to having a dry and dirty butt, because it never feels completely clean with that toilet paper!
Even when dogs poop, and they more often than not have healthy poop, there are some particles stuck at the exit of the anus, which needs to be cleaned with water. Imagine humans with varying poop patterns. The first thing that struck me after using toilet paper for the first ever time was, “If I were to have sex with an American, I would encounter a dirty butt.” That thought led to imagery of small particles of poop on the bed or on me and totally grossed me out, that I wet the toilet paper and cleaned my butt again.
That prompted me to get a bucket and a mug for the house, because I just couldn’t get myself to clean just with paper. Of course, there are levels of learning which toilet paper to use. The first time I bought the cheapest toilet paper, only to realize that it left my butt sore. It took a few trials with toilet paper, dry and bleeding anus, to finally get to “Baby Soft” toilet paper, however expensive it was!
But the thought never leaves me, “Why would a developed nation not choose to clean butts with water?” I recently came across this article which highlights how butts never get totally clean just with toilet paper. There is another one that talks about the history of toilet paper usage – this one mentions the use of water as well, but of course the emphasis is on wiping and not cleaning it seems, because they left water out of the picture! What if you have loose motions, bad ones where poop is splashing into the pot and back on your ass? How can people not feel the need to clean their butts with water then? Well, I don’t have an answer to it yet.
Now you must be wondering, I could solve the ‘clean poop’ problem at home, but what about when I went outside? I just didn’t poop outside of home for months. Then finally when it led to gut issues, I started carrying a water-bottle for cleaning poop from my butt. That really helped, I could just fill it anywhere when it got empty and be satisfied!
It is said that pooping gives a great relief and I couldn’t let that feeling of relief be marred by an unclean butt! I can’t understand why the supposed seven and five-star hotels in India don’t have an option for hand-shower in the loos! They only have toilet paper. Somehow that is read as “modern”??? I don’t know if unclean is modern! But I hope someone gives them some sense of installing hand-showers in the loos, just like in airports. You can’t force your country people with foreign ways of pooping – Indian racist hoteliers!!!
Well that said, now I think all countries must have an option of hand-shower in the loos just for the sake of hygiene, don’t you think? At least you won’t have an uncomfortable butt after the most relieving biological activity!